Writing Irredeemable Characters

They're not going to hell.

This morning, I was thinking about heaven (as sometimes happens when I’m praying). I was imagining where I’d like to live once there. Many Christians say Jesus when asked which historical figure they would most like to meet here on earth. At risk of seeming sacrilegious, I feel like I already know pretty much who he is. I’m grateful for all he’s done but … I feel he’s beyond my social strata. I’d be more comfortable living in a small cottage on the outskirts of the City of God—a bit off from the mansions set aside for the saints.

I confess I’d rather visit my dead relatives than the popular group living on the hill. Despite years of being a Christian, I still find the example Jesus set for us an alarmingly high bar. The flaw in thinking is all my own and I’m sure it stems from my inner perfectionist beast. But in low moments I resent him. Television and movie portrayals of Jesus don’t help. They all make him seem a little gross (yes, even Jonathan Roumie’s performance makes me uneasy—sorry).

Maybe it all comes back to him being a perfect man. It makes me uncomfortable and bored at the same time. I don’t know why. Yet, here I am, a Catholic believing in the Real Presence and the holy sacrifice of the Mass and all of it.

I enjoyed the pat answers, the three point sermons, and the focus on self-improvement when I was an evangelical non-denominational protestant for a few years. The pies at the potluck dinners were amazing, too. Once saved, always saved. I liked that. They mentioned Jesus a lot as if he were a good buddy riding shotgun on a cross-country road trip (here’s me avoiding eye-contact when I see J.C. trying to hitch a ride).

It’s not as if the Catholic Church doesn’t come with its own host of problems, I know.

I’ve concluded that there’s only so much we can know about heaven and hell and how a just God metes out punishment … or does he? Is it my place to say?

God creates us in his image. As a novelist my characters say more about my image than I’d like to admit sometimes—especially the wayward ones. I’ve never created a character I wanted to send to a fictional version of hell no matter how much they hurt my main characters. As a person with a history of shaky boundaries (or maybe strong sensitivities) when a bad actor enters one of my stories, I’m instantly intrigued by the traumatic baggage he begins unpacking (some of it makes it onto the page). I find myself hoping that in some different long off time (after he does the bad things he must do to my main characters for them to grow and find redemption), that he too will be healed. I like to think all my characters have freewill (I find them very difficult to control and almost never do).

Is the end of the story (or a life) really the end? The more I write novels the less I believe that time is truly real. So, what does that mean for the idea of eternal damnation? Is it like when you regret something and see the consequences of your bad behavior and can’t get over it? When people have Near Death Experiences they often have life reviews and can see and feel how all their actions affected others. Isn’t that hard enough?

There was a time when I was younger that I may have written an evil character and felt completely at ease leaving her just that way with never a second thought. But that was years ago and I’ve long since lost that level of immature arrogance (to a point).

We adopted a child out of foster care. It hadn’t been our plan, but that’s what happened. Policemen and social services workers called her mother a monster and for good reasons. The system tried hard to redeem the mom—spent time and money trying to reform a person who didn’t want to be reformed—but was it her fault? For generations the family had incest and violence in their blood.

I believe taking personal responsibility is the only possible path to redemption, but there’s this murky part, too. How shattered a person’s brain is from abuse or neglect does matter. The pain they inflict can be enormous, but I find it harder and harder to believe in a person being purely evil. There are exceptions. I do think some people actively get addicted (maybe) to self-love and sadistic behaviors. I was going to suggest that this may be true of many world leaders, but I think there are people lurking around all segments of society who seem really dark—yet we can’t be fully sure if they are EVIL. Is there still a tiny spark of light waiting to be reignited by love?

I love my unpleasant and even cruel characters, so I leave open the possibility of redemption (even if I never get to writing about them again). God who is all good and all loving must want the same for his creatures.

Maybe I avoid the depth of this question by only creating characters with run-of-the-mill types of flaws—no mass murderers for me. Maybe I write more about what most people are like – kind of a mess, but not irredeemable. I have met some Christians who despite my wish to find flaws, seem to actually live on a higher level and deserve those glistening stone mansions on a heavenly Fifth Avenue, but they’ve never appeared in any of my stories. I’m afraid I wouldn’t know what to do with them.

Books I’ve read this week:

The End of the Affair by Graham Greene ~ I felt nothing for the characters despite my sister assuring me I’d love the book.

The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin ~ I’m loving this one so far.